I have been asked why I didn’t ever doubt the yaya of my kid.
First off, I am not built that way. If there is no evidence, before I doubt others, I try to put the blame on me first — I must have misplaced it, I must have been too lenient, I must have asked too much… Or I blame it on circumstances, maybe she just had a hard day, maybe she’s tired. Call me engot as you may, I am just not built that way. I am a benefit-of-the-doubt kind of girl.
Second, if you have someone you put your kid’s life into, you have full trust in her. If I didn’t, she should not be in that position in the first place. (Such a BIG lesson learned right here). I am a believer that all people are good. Maybe that is the reason why this is all happening. It’s time to keep all guards up. And the universe is sending me a lesson, IN BULK.
This yaya issue is the least of my problem actually. Draining as it is, it is at the bottom of my life challenges now. That is how bad this month is turning to be.
I have other trust issues, similar to this, where you trust is 100%, and in just a blink of an eye, they turned out to be your worst enemy. And to say it is part of it all, I just can’t accept.
Imagine having 2 consecutive blotter causing incidents, another internal agreement – can you imagine what’s in between? Explanation, tears, shouting, nerve wrecking anger – Just too emotionally drained.
And to cap all these trust issues, the most important, the one that is life changing, the one that cuts me right to the core, is still about to come…
Naalala ko tuloy ang sinasabi ng anak ko pag mabigat sa pakiramdam ang kanyang iyak “my heart is breaking, it’s really really broken” with these trust issues, exactly how I feel.